Friday, September 3, 2010

summer's end

Everyone is getting married around here.
I'm serious. I know I'm prone to exaggeration, but really I'm right about this. It all started with our Canadian odyssey towards the union of our dear Chris and Kait. Then Luke and India walked down the barn aisle with their lovely Odette (oh the pie at that one!). Then it was Auntie Eilen and Uncle Jay on top of a mountain, just this past week. And tomorrow? Molly and Aurel in our very own backyard. And don't worry, there's more.

It's been a summer, for sure. And feelings have been right there- peppering late nights and days were there's nothing to do but stop and take a breath. Because of course for every happy moment there's another to work through, to talk through. And the light is always just right, and it's all so vivid, and I think- wait here- this will never be like this again.

There's been a difference though- I remember this feeling. I remember feeling it at 16, at 21--feeling like I had to grab on or the whole thing would just pass through my fingers. And although I'm young (yes, I still feel young!) I think I'm starting to realize that it will just pass through my fingers, and that's good.

I heard myself say something to a friend yesterday who was panicking that she didn't know how her life would look in a year, and it scared her.

Why would we bother getting up and setting off into each day if we knew the plot- if we really knew what was going to happen?

It helped me to hear it too, and in the midst of change of the seasons, of the girls going back to school (kindergarten and second grade!), of all my dear friends starting new lives with new partners, I'm hanging out in the suspense of it all. This year's been big- really big, and if I had it all planned out, maybe there wouldn't have been the space for all these unknowns to occur.

I wonder what will happen this fall.

Thanks for hanging out with me here for a few minutes. I'll be back next week, after my Molly is good and married. For now, it all wedding food making around here. But I'm going to send you over here too- if you're feeling the transition and aching for a soundtrack, I think you might like it.

Happy September.

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