black bottom cupcakes

The other day, Sadie got in trouble at school.
It seems that a bunch of kids were acting up, and, in her words, "she couldn't help it, and she joined in by accident."  She was on edge when I picked her up from school, and the afternoon just went down from there in flames of tears and 7-year-old sass.  Misbehavior at school is not Sadie's strong suit--she still thinks that "teacher's pet" is a good thing, and she strives for it.  And so I watched all of the emotions percolate through the day, and she would erupt with excuses (It's been 2 whole years since I got in trouble in Spanish class!) to stubbornness to full on lovey clinginess.  The day ended with her emerging bleary eyed from her bedroom at 9 pm, and she catapulted herself towards me with a hug.  She had a stomachache from the whole affair, and she was having trouble getting to sleep.  I gave her another kiss and tucked her into bed in the midst of all of the novels she had been reading that night, and that seemed to do the trick.



But a few hours earlier, before she had found her own quiet, things came to a head before dinner.  It was table-setting time, and when I told Sadie, the hands went on her hips, and she said that she didn't feel like it. 
For better or worse, I pulled out my inner 7-year-old, never too far from the surface these days. My arms went to my hips too.
"Well, maybe I don't really feel like making dinner for you any more."
The emotions of that day flickered across her face, and I saw them all in succession again.  Sometimes she reminds me of August weather around here.  Sunny, then the clouds come in and it pours, and then the sun is back as fast as it left.
She collapsed on the couch, and she stuck her butt up into the air like a toddler.  "I just can't!!!!"

Rosie took over and put the napkins on the table. And I sat there with Sadie for the few minutes before dinner, stroking her hair.  



Luckily it was a moment that I could pause in myself, because sometimes I can't wait for those moments when everything is golden and lovely.  I think that those are the moments that will make me pause, and say, everything is so beautiful! Let's stop here and take a breath.



And those moments do happen--they come often enough.  But more often, someone is having a hard time working through the day.  And if I can, I take a breath, and my eyes glaze a little, and like in this moment, I stroked Sadie's hair.  She will be eight on Sunday, and the complexities will continue to increase.  I think about what a friend of mine once said--how brave to raise women in this world!  What a challenge!  So complicated!



I'm not sure that I had thought about it in those terms before.  But now I do.  And somehow that links my girls to so many others women in my mind.  These moments of emotional complexity, of guilt and self righteousness and the need to be loved and to care for others and to be right and beautiful--I feel like I have more tools to help them start there way through this when I think of it as common.

And I can't say why, but it makes me think about the women in my life who are no longer here.  Maybe because it brings them to me too, and it brings them to Sadie, so that there are a whole lot more hands stroking her hair.

Yesterday, I sat and talked with a new friend, and we talked about a woman who we had both loved, who, more than  anyone, taught me about the meat and the joy in these complexities.  By the end, she was so good at that.

And I think about my grandmother, always my grandmother!  I think she was conditioned to feel miserable about so many things, and she fought it.  She celebrated so many things, despite herself, because why the hell not. 

Which brings me to black bottom cupcakes.  I make them on the first day of spring, because my grandmother did.  Because why the hell not.  It took me a few days to get to it this year--I had a cold, and I didn't want to do it.  But when I got to it, it was snowing, and we were all complaining about the snow gracing this first week of spring.  It was cold, and even the lilac buds were shivering.

But it snows every March, and every April.  And that's the meat of it all.  The freezing and thaw makes it easier to be thankful, I think.  And it teases with the smell of mud, and then freezes it before we can complain about the mud getting everywhere.  I love a good transition.  And a good cupcake.

 

Black Bottom Cupcakes
(I wrote about these a few years ago, but the recipe didn't quite make it for me, and so to line it up with the glorious memory of my childhood Spring party cupcakes under my grandmother's lilac bush, I messed with it quite a bit this year.)


Makes 12 cupcakes

For the filling:
8 ounces cream cheese at room temperature
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
5 ounces chocolate chips

For the cupcakes:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup whole milk
1/3 cup canola oil
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

For the filling:
Beat together the cream cheese,  sugar, and egg until relatively smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips. Set aside.

For the cupcakes:
Preheat to 350 degrees.  Butter a 12-cup muffin tin, or line the tin with muffin cups. In a medium bowl whisk together the flour, brown sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, use a whisk to beat together the milk, oil, vinegar, and vanilla. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and stir in the wet ingredients until just combined.
Fill each muffin cup halfway with cake batter. Top with the cream cheese filling so that the filling comes nearly to the top of the cup.  Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the tops are slightly golden brown. They will keep well unrefrigerated for 2 to 3 days if stored in an airtight container.

Daring Limoncello Cheesecake Cupcakes

It's that time again. Time to be brave, to go beyond the comfort zone, to slave and cry and drop things on the floor and hope that someone swept recently.
Or maybe not.
This month's daring baker challenge was a nice basic cheesecake recipe and a loving encouragement to be creative with it. And good thing! Between my trip from hell and the garden starting up again, the month has passed very quickly, and I don't think a yule log would have really gone so well this month. And as it was, the creativity came from Joey this month. I said cupcakes. And then I asked, Limoncello? And then he said, lemon bar! So I made the lovely (and I do mean lovely) cheesecake recipe, put it in muffin tin, and added the lemon bar top from Alice Medrich's Very Tangy Lemon Bars. We just didn't know what would happen. We bit out fingernails to the quick, asking, "What happens when you combine a cheesecake with a lemon bar?" And then we chilled them, relishing the suspense. The next day, we took them out to join us at the sunny picnic table.

They reassured us. They said, "Yes, you are daring, and that is the way to be. Why live on the safe side?"
And I know that now you too are relishing the suspense. How were they, you ask? Go ahead and try!

Oh! Thanks! You know I don't like to swear in front of my kids, but your right, they are fucking amazing! Mind blowing! Do this! Combine a cheesecake and a lemon bar!

And now I will tell you how....

First, the formalities.

The April 2009 challenge is hosted by Jenny from Jenny Bakes. She has chosen Abbey's Infamous Cheesecake as the challenge.

This is Abbey's really fabulous cheesecake recipe:

Abbey's Infamous Cheesecake:

crust:
2 cups / 180 g graham cracker crumbs
1 stick / 4 oz butter, melted
2 tbsp. / 24 g sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract

cheesecake:
3 sticks of cream cheese, 8 oz each (total of 24 oz) room temperature
1 cup / 210 g sugar
3 large eggs
1 cup / 8 oz heavy cream
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 tbsp. vanilla extract (or the innards of a vanilla bean)
1 tbsp liqueur, optional, but choose what will work well with your cheesecake

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (Gas Mark 4 = 180C = Moderate heat). Begin to boil a large pot of water for the water bath.

2. Mix together the crust ingredients and press into your preferred pan. You can press the crust just into the bottom, or up the sides of the pan too - baker's choice. Set crust aside.

3. Combine cream cheese and sugar in the bowl of a stand-mixer (or in a large bowl if using a hand-mixer) and cream together until smooth. Add eggs, one at a time, fully incorporating each before adding the next. Make sure to scrape down the bowl in between each egg. Add heavy cream, vanilla, lemon juice, and alcohol and blend until smooth and creamy.

4. Pour batter into prepared crust and tap the pan on the counter a few times to bring all air bubbles to the surface. Place pan into a larger pan and pour boiling water into the larger pan until halfway up the side of the cheesecake pan. If cheesecake pan is not airtight, cover bottom securely with foil before adding water.

5. Bake 45 to 55 minutes, until it is almost done - this can be hard to judge, but you're looking for the cake to hold together, but still have a lot of jiggle to it in the center. You don't want it to be completely firm at this stage. Close the oven door, turn the heat off, and let rest in the cooling oven for one hour. This lets the cake finish cooking and cool down gently enough so that it won't crack on the top. After one hour, remove cheesecake from oven and lift carefully out of water bath. Let it finish cooling on the counter, and then cover and put in the fridge to chill. Once fully chilled, it is ready to serve.

Pan note: The creator of this recipe used to use a springform pan, but no matter how well she wrapped the thing in tin foil, water would always seep in and make the crust soggy. Now she uses one of those 1-use foil "casserole" shaped pans from the grocery store. They're 8 or 9 inches wide and really deep, and best of all, water-tight. When it comes time to serve, just cut the foil away.

Prep notes: While the actual making of this cheesecake is a minimal time commitment, it does need to bake for almost an hour, cool in the oven for an hour, and chill overnight before it is served. Please plan accordingly!

This is the recipe for the top of Alice Medrich's Lemon Bars, cut in half:

1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 T flour
2 eggs
1 tsp. grated lemon zest
1/4 cup freshly squeezed and strained lemon juice

Stir together sugar ad flour in a large bowl until mixed. Whisk in the eggs. Stir in lemon juice and zest.

This is how I combined the recipes:
I made 3/4 of the cheesecake recipe, and I used Limoncello for the liquor. I used 1 T, but next time I would use 3 T. I filled the muffin tin 3/4 of the way up.

I put it in the water bath on a baking sheet, and then coerced Joey to put it in the oven for me. I was feeling daring, but not so much that I wouldn't spill.


I baked them for 25 minutes. Then I took them out and added the lemon topping.

Then I baked them for another 20 minutes. Chilled overnight. And just fabulous. Be sure to check out some of the unbelievable works of art coming in at the Daring Baker's website. Who knew cheesecake could be so inspiring?

Cupcakes for Spring

My grandmother called herself a pagan, and the way she demonstrated this spiritual identity to herself was by throwing me a Spring party every year. I'm not quite sure how this tradition started, but somewhere along the way she started making black bottom cupcakes, and I still remember munching them with my friends under the budding lilacs. My memories might be false, because these days the lilacs are still pretty dormant, but I'm not making up the cupcakes.
My grandmother died in a car accident when I was fourteen, and the Spring party passed on with her.
The other day, I came across this recipe, however, and I thought the timing couldn't be a coincidence. So here are some black bottom cupcakes for you, in celebration of the equinox. These are really good, but not entirely as I remember them, so I might end up playing a little more with the recipe. I'll let you know if come up with any dramatic improvements, but I think that David Lebovitz has mastered this as usual. It's just that his black bottom cupcake is a little more reserved than Grandma Shirley's.

Black-Bottom Cupcakes
The Great Book of Chocolate, David Lebovitz

Yield: 12 full-size or approximately 30 mini cupcakes

For the filling:
8 ounces cream cheese, regular or reduced fat, at room temperature
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
2 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped (or chocolate chips)

For the cupcakes:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
5 tablespoons natural unsweetened cocoa powder (not Dutch-process)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1/3 cup unflavored vegetable oil
1 tablespoon white or cider vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Make the filling: Beat together the cream cheese, granulated sugar, and egg until smooth. Stir in the chopped chocolate pieces. Set aside.

Make the cupcakes:
1. Adjust the rack to the center of the oven and preheat to 350°F (175°C). Butter a 12-cup muffin tin, or line the tin with paper muffin cups.
2. In a medium bowl sift together the flour, brown sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl or large measuring cup, mix together the water, oil, vinegar, and vanilla.
3. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and stir in the wet ingredients, stirring until just smooth.
4. Divide the batter among the muffin cups. Spoon a few tablespoons of the filling into the center of each cupcake, dividing the filling evenly. This will fill the cups almost completely, which is fine. Try to push th filling down into the center of each cupcake, if possible.
5. Bake for 25 minutes, or until the tops are slightly golden brown and the cupcakes feel springy when gently pressed. They will keep well unrefrigerated for 2 to 3 days if stored in an airtight container.

home again

So I've been back not quite 24 hours, and I'm a little sick, a little jetlagged, and a little fragile. I have a few culinary and other adventures to report from my travels, but the words just aren't coming. So I wait, and I say, the words will come, but the truth is that when I step away from here for too long, I feel a little sad. So, I'll tell you this. In the midst of the working, I was walking. And miraculously, in the midst of all the expensive shoes and handbags, there was something I really support spending money on, cupcakes.
Now I've read about how cupcake bakeries are all the rage in LA, and the whole thing seems a little too cute for me, but as my walking partner and I passed this especially famous cupcakery, I thought, Come on, let's be cute and trendy just this once for adventure's sake. And my little walking partner was totally game.


She picked the double chocolate, and I went with the recommended red velvet. She definitely won, because I forgot that I hate red velvet cupcakes. But this one was pretty good anyway.


And yes, I have more stories. Especially one about stealing lemons. But you'll have to check back again for that one.